All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
