My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
