And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
