im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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