I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
