OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
