What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
