dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
