please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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