I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
