i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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