a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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