Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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