I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
