made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
