How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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