i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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