i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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