The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize