just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize