i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Boobs are out for the taking
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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