Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
