i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize