I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
