she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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