You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
