considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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