we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
