call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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