The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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