pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
