You just made me feel so damn special
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
