I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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