my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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