I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want to make out with him forever
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
