last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
