My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
