You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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