No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
