Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Watching her eat just hurts me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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