Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
