I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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