i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
