I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Semen is not good for contacts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
