four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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