i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
