my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
