I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
