we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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