Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
