just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize