My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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