I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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