I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
