So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
