Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
