Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
