It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm jealous of your bromance
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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