I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
