Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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