just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
