So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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