there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
