You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize