So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
