I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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