between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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